Congress, It's Like The Smell Coming From The Garbage Can

The Democrats in Congress and Obama are so intent on being right about health care that they got it passed even if it means many of them not being re-elected because of it. So, finally, at least some good might come of this.

Nancy Pelosi said recently about the health care bill, "We have to pass this bill so that you can find out what's in it." And Obama said the other day, "I haven't read the bill yet, but we need to pass it." This kind of makes you think Congress and Obama are like the Forrest Gumps of politicians saying, "Obamacare is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you are gonna get."

When Nancy Pelosi became the Speaker of the House she said that this would be the most ethical Congress ever. But associating Congress with ethics is like associating Al Gore with charisma. There is actually an Ethics Committee in Congress and I'm assuming they are on the lookout for anyone there being ethical. So far they've found no one.

But a congressman trying to find ethics it's pretty much like a caveman trying to discover fire. It's something you've never seen before so you really don't know what it looks like. It compares to Tiger Wood discovering fidelity or Lady Gaga finding normalcy.

From many of the actions that Congress takes you'd think their collective IQs would have a hard time topping summer temperatures in Alaska. It makes you want to propose a reality show to the networks about Congress - Are You Smarter than Sandpaper? But the fact is that many of them are really intelligent people but when the mold was made for those people they forgot to provide space for that thing we talked about earlier in the article - ethics (but on Nancy Pelosi instead of ethics they put botox.)

Intelligence without ethics is how you get "brilliant" pieces of work like a stimulus package to spend your way of debt.

Let's just listen in on an interview with a Congressman that never made it to air (because the "ethics" committee wouldn't allow it):

Interviewer: What do you think is the biggest problem we face today, healthcare or unemployment?

Congressman: Neither one, it's being re-elected.

Interviewer: How is that a problem for the citizens of the United States?

Congressman: Oh, I didn't know we were talking about them. I thought we were talking about me. In that case I think the biggest problem is either steroid in sports or replacing the BCS system with a playoff in college football.

Interviewer: Why would those things be important to Congress?

Congressman: Well, first of all, Miss smarty pants interviewer, they are subjects where it makes Congress looks like we really care about something and so it makes us look good. And second it's something we can't really get in trouble for. Even though a lot of us take steroids and really, any type of drug you could imagine, legal or illegal, we aren't professional athletes, so it takes the limelight off of us and puts it somewhere else.

Interviewer: But how do those things fall under your jurisdiction?

Congressman: I guess you aren't listening. I already said it makes us look good and that is our biggest jurisdiction.

At that time a couple of Secret Service agent swept in and carted the interviewer off, never to be heard from again.

And with that said, it would be nice if we could just get rid of these guys by "unfriending" them in our Facebook accounts but at least we can vote them out in the next election.

Cartoon Humor Can Tickle Your Funny Bone

Didn't the world seem a lot better during Saturday morning cartoons? There was no school, no troubles and no homework worries as cartoon humor entertained us for hours. All it took was the favorite show, a bowl of corn flakes and a never ending smile. Somehow, the tradition faded in time but if you still like cartoons, you are in luck.

There are so many new options that you would be left confused. You can now enjoy cartoons on television shows, morning newspapers and the internet. Whenever you are lonely or sad, turn on your favorite cartoon and roll away in laughter. Remember that your responsibilities increase as you grow old, but the child inside you does not die. You can always bring that back by reading the morning Garfield strip or checking out the new SpongeBob show.

The comic strip in the newspapers was a favorite for most people as they grew up. What started out as a small strip has grown into a variety of world famous cartoons. You can probably remember Archies and Garfield. Now you can choose between a variety of cartoon strips from Calvin and Hobbes to The Wizard Of Id. If that is not enough, you can also catch your cartoons as television shows on morning channels. What can be better than bugs bunny outsmarting the hunter or the road runner defeating his smart enemies. You would laugh and laugh until you have tears in your eyes. From getting hit with anvils to blasting each other with cannons, it's a dream world of fun and laughter.

Cartoons have some of the funniest jokes and the wittiest punch lines. You can laugh at anything and anyone in cartoons. You could even make one yourself. Remember the bully who troubles you at school? Why not draw him as a fat slug and show him falling under a piano. That can surely bring a big grin to your face. Cartoon humor has been growing constantly.

If you are bored of the repeats on television, switch on your computer and log onto any cartoon site. You will hold your stomach, crying out in laughter as you see the funny range of cartoons. One year old talking babies or a family of idiots, all of them can make you laugh for hours. Books and movies, people and places, things and thoughts, all come alive with cartoons.

If you love cartoons, there is always something that you have never seen before. Starting from Mickey and the Disney Gang to Pokemon and SpongeBob, all are genius shows. If you feel you have watched them all, you can always watch exclusive clips or unreleased extras on the net. There is never a dull moment with the huge collection of cartoon pages and websites that is sure to make anyone laugh with pure fun. A bundle of laughs and memories of joy, cartoons keep being a part of our lives. It is up to you to enjoy the world of cartoon humor and always keep the laughs alive when you are feeling down.

And now I would like you to take a peek at some really funny stuff by going to this Kid-Friendly Website A top line resource on clean humor for young families with lots of things for kids to do.

Feeling Stressed? Try The One Joke Per Day Therapy

There are so many elements today in our lives that make things more and more hectic by the day, and there hardly seems to be any respite from the constantly mounting pressures and tough competition to stay ahead of everybody, plan for the future, etc. However, this has also led to rising stress-related issues, blood pressure, etc. While one cannot simply sit at home to avoid all this, a bit of humour has always helped in bringing cheer to ones day.

Yes, it is true. Just one good joke in a day can actually relieve a high amount of stress, and make your hormones come to their normal levels despite all the anxiety and pressures of the professional life. Think of it this way, has not there been a day when you were told a joke by a friend or relative on the phone or via SMS, and you kept on thinking about the same throughout the day, and had a great, stress-free working experience. You might also have spread the cheer by telling the joke to your colleagues, thereby also brightening their day and bringing some laughter in their lives. Is not this proof enough of what a great joke can do to your entire day?

Presently, there are many sources from where one can get funny jokes, with the best one being the internet. Clearly, there are quite a few of those who like to share their humorous side online, which is visible from the great compilation of jokes that are available online. There are many kinds of redhead jokes, lawyer jokes, doctor jokes, and so on, giving you ample variety in terms of choosing the kind of laugh you want to have according to your taste.

But one thing that must be kept in mind is that these jokes are completely in the spirit of humour, and should be taken sportingly, and not personally. Remember, it takes only 7 muscles to smile, and 32 to frown, and the former always gets a better reaction from the other person.

SMS Jokes and Crazy Sayings to Cheer Up Your Mood

It is scientifically proven that in order to remain wholesome, each physically as nicely as mentally, laughter along with active sense of humor is very best medicine actually and there is no greater way to make you smile than riddles and hilarious sayings. Riddles can be explained as little testimonies that end with a laughably startling speech. Jokes give us our everyday dosage of laughter and bring happiness and pleasure in our living. So to continue to keep your mind fit and wholesome examine amusing SMS comments.

With the advent of SMS technologies, now one particular requires not to be physically existing in order share humor with every single other. A person can use his cell cell phone and send SMS comments to pals, household and all close to and dear kinds and provide smile on their encounter. What are SMS Riddles? They can be defined as two or 3 liner comments which are in particular made to be sent by way of text messaging. You will need to examine and remember these SMS riddles in buy to reveal them with your mates.

You can identified thousand of internet websites in the World Broad Net. No matter what variety of text riddles you are hunting for, be it every day joke, birthday riddles, hilarious riddles, filthy riddles, crazy sayings jokes or Hindi riddles, you are confident to get it on the world-wide-web. You can go to any search engine and search for the joke you are seeking for. If you want to have enjoyment with your buddies, then you can lookup for humorous or dirty riddles. If you demand some for your friend's birthday then you can research for birthday jokes or if you want to be naughty with girlfriend or boyfriend, then you can go for naughty kinds.

In purchase to use these internet sites successfully, you ought to copy your favourite riddles in notepad or WordPad so that you won't encounter any problems in situation of unavailability of online. You can also make your personal compilation of your preferred jokes on web which can be accessed by the total earth or by the human being you want with no shelling out even a tiny penny. There are so much service accessible online permits you to build world-wide-web pages totally free of price tag. You can use blogger, Wordpress or Google pages to make a webpage where you can collect all of your beloved sms jokes on all topics.

Thus, sending fantastic jokes is ideal way to distribute the humor close to the planet. It allow you forget all the program tension of everyday living. On the overall, sending comments and humorous sayings via SMS is a finest way to instill some fun in our lives.

Fifteen Kitchen Helps for the Creative Cook

Excerpted from 231 OTHER WAYS TO USE A SANITARY NAPKIN: The Ultimate Recycling Guide for Women Who Have Moved On

IN THE KITCHEN: Yes, sanitary napkins in the kitchen. It’s time to re-evaluate some of our old notions of where these handy items belong. Take a deep breath and try to rid yourself of your former prejudices. After all, the key word here is “sanitary,” isn’t it?

* Attach maxi pads to your hands to use as hot pads when removing a pan from the oven.

* Blot recently washed fruits and vegetables. Give an apple a good polish.

* Moisten a pad with plenty of water and place in a glass jar to sprout bean or alfalfa seeds. This is a delicious and healthy way to impress your friends when you invite them over for a sandwich or a salad. It is, however, recommended that you remove them from the pad before serving. Not everyone is as practical and open-minded as you obviously are.

* Place a soaking wet pad on a microwave-safe plate in your microwave and heat for 40 seconds. This will steam up the inside and soften all the baked-on residue that is normally so difficult to remove. Clean as usual.

* Use in place of magnets to hold miscellaneous lists, pictures and artwork on your refrigerator.

* Keep a pad by your stove to use as a disposable spoon rest. Keep away from heat or flame.

* Use a pad as a mini cutting board. Not only is it disposable for a quick cleanup, but it will absorb any excess juices.

* Instead of draining pasta the conventional way, place unscented pads in the pot to absorb water. Then blot away the remaining moisture with another pad.

* Use a pad as a disposable butter dish—after all, you’ve heard of a “pad of butter, haven’t you? Well, now you know what that means.

* Use a pad to absorb bacon grease.

* Pour a little oil on a pad and use it to grease baking surfaces. You may keep the oiled pad in a baggy in the refrigerator for future use. Remember—waste not, want not.

* Use a pad to dry dishes. We recommend the ultra-absorbent overnight variety.

* Line the bottom of the veggie crisper in your refrigerator to contain undesirable moisture.

* If you happen to have the variety of pad “made with real baking soda,” you can place one in your refrigerator to absorb odors.

* In a pinch, use a frozen pad as a candy thermometer. To test the candy’s temperature, drop a small amount of the cooking syrup onto the pad. If the syrup is easily absorbed, you are at the, ahem, “syrup” stage. If the syrup piles into a soft, squishy heap, you are at the “soft ball” stage. If the syrup turns brittle upon contact with the pad, you are at the “hard ball” stage. If the candy burns a hole in the pad, you should probably turn down the heat—and start over from scratch.

Where's Wally

Where's Wally

Everyone remembers Where's Wally?, you know the guy in the stripy red and white top with the red bobble hat that you had to find in a crowd of people? The books were and still are very popular and the character has become synonymous with the art of blending into a crowd.

The books themselves were written by the British author Martin Handford and consist of a series of extremely detailed double page spread colour illustrations showing huge crowds of people in fantastic detail, carrying out all sorts of amusing tasks.

The challenge for the reader of the book is to find the character of Where's Wally? in the crowd. He will be very well hidden from view and it can take a long time to locate him. Although his red and white striped hat and top plus glasses gave him away, the author would often put in red herrings to draw your eyes away from the real character. This could be another similar looking man or even a red and white striped object, all of which added to the fun of the game.

In the later books, more tasks were added in, so the challenge was not only to find Where's Wally?, but also another character or object too. This would ensure that the reader would have a greater challenge to complete. Because of the popularity of the series, Where's Wally? has also become a cartoon series on TV and a video game too. It's fair to say that the character has come along way since his birth back in 1987.

So, now that we know a little more about the character and story of where's Wally? it is easier to see why he is still very popular amongst children and adults alike.

The Where's Wally? is also a great character to dress up as at a party, everyone will recognise you as the character and will enjoy trying to pick you out of the crowd. If you are planning a fancy dress party or perhaps a stag do, then this costume would be a great addition. You could make the groom dress up in the costume then send him to a variety of different locations with the hope of being recognised, perhaps rewarding him or the people who have spotted him.

You could take part in one of the many world record attempts to get the most Where's Wallys in one place.

Getting hold of an official Where's Wally? costume is very easy. You can also get round glasses and red and white striped socks.

Once you have found the Where's Wally? costume for you, then its time to start planning that next fancy dress party!

A Few Bar and Nightclub Jokes

Having a boring day at the office or at uni, daydreaming about which bars or nightclubs you will be heading to this weekend? If so here is a few bar and nightclub jokes to break up the mediocrity of the daily grind.

A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender for 5 double shots. The bartender, a little surprised lines up the glasses and pours them out, assuming his mates are just round the corner. The man then, calm as a coma, knocks each shot back one after the other. The bartenders, amazed by this feat of drinking turns to the man and goes “that’s a big effort.” The man replies “you would drink quickly too if you had what I’ve got.” Curiously the bartender asks “what have you got mate” to which the man replies “no money.”

A neutron walks into a bar and orders a drink and asks the bartender how much? The bartender replies “no charge”

A man, after having 27 drinks at a nightclub decides to head home, grabs his car keys and heads to the car park. Struggling to walk, he finally gets to his car, takes him 3 goes to get the keys into the ignition, reverses into the car park wall and drives straight through the boom gate. Realising his wife is at home waiting for him, a decides to drive as fast as possible, swerving across the road erratically. A police car see’s this and pulls him over. The copper asks the man “mate do you know how fast you were going?” The man replies “How the fuck would I know, I’ve just had 27 drinks.”

A rabbi, a sheik and a priest all walk into a bar together holding hands singing “hari-krishna.” The bartender says to them “what is this some kind of bad joke?”

A penguin walks into a bar and with a sense of urgency asks the bar man “sir have you seen my brother, he’s missing and I can’t find him” to which the bar man replies “what does he look like?”

A man walks into a bar, and furiously yells ”all bouncer’s are assholes!!!” A man at the end of the bar stands up, slams his drink on the bar and yells “you better fucking take that back.” Shocked, the man says “why, are you a bouncer?” to which he replies “no… I’m an asshole.”

A cop is staking out a bar for drunk drivers. At closing time, he sees a guy stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb, and fumble for his keys for five minutes. Meanwhile, everybody else leaves the bar and drives off. When he finally pulls away, the cop is waiting for him, pulls him over, and gives him a Breathalyzer test. The test shows he has a blood alcohol level of 0.0. The cop says, How is this possible? The guy says “I’m the designated decoy”

The Best Bar and Nightclub Jokes Ever

Having a boring day at the office or at uni, daydreaming about which bars or nightclubs you will be heading to this weekend? If so here is a few bar and nightclub jokes to break up the mediocrity of the daily grind.

A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender for 5 double shots. The bartender, a little surprised lines up the glasses and pours them out, assuming his mates are just round the corner. The man then, calm as a coma, knocks each shot back one after the other. The bartenders, amazed by this feat of drinking turns to the man and goes “that’s a big effort.” The man replies “you would drink quickly too if you had what I’ve got.” Curiously the bartender asks “what have you got mate” to which the man replies “no money.”

A neutron walks into a bar and orders a drink and asks the bartender how much? The bartender replies “no charge”

A man, after having 27 drinks at a nightclub decides to head home, grabs his car keys and heads to the car park. Struggling to walk, he finally gets to his car, takes him 3 goes to get the keys into the ignition, reverses into the car park wall and drives straight through the boom gate. Realising his wife is at home waiting for him, a decides to drive as fast as possible, swerving across the road erratically. A police car see’s this and pulls him over. The copper asks the man “mate do you know how fast you were going?” The man replies “How the fuck would I know, I’ve just had 27 drinks.”

A rabbi, a sheik and a priest all walk into a bar together holding hands singing “hari-krishna.” The bartender says to them “what is this some kind of bad joke?”

A penguin walks into a bar and with a sense of urgency asks the bar man “sir have you seen my brother, he’s missing and I can’t find him” to which the bar man replies “what does he look like?”

A man walks into a bar, and furiously yells ”all bouncer’s are assholes!!!” A man at the end of the bar stands up, slams his drink on the bar and yells “you better fucking take that back.” Shocked, the man says “why, are you a bouncer?” to which he replies “no… I’m an asshole.”

A cop is staking out a bar for drunk drivers. At closing time, he sees a guy stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb, and fumble for his keys for five minutes. Meanwhile, everybody else leaves the bar and drives off. When he finally pulls away, the cop is waiting for him, pulls him over, and gives him a Breathalyzer test. The test shows he has a blood alcohol level of 0.0. The cop says, How is this possible? The guy says “I’m the designated decoy”